I’ve been feeling out of sorts (again). Tired, disconnected, overwhelmed by things I want to be doing and things I think I ‘should’ be doing. Frustrated that some health issues are not resolving.
Hubby is finishing a very long run of work, so we’re all tired and missing him at home but he’s no doubt worrying about where the next work is coming from on top of being exhausted.
Mr 6 is struggling with some of his ‘stuff’ at the end of a long term. By the time I had dropped him at school this morning and spoken to his teacher I was nearly in tears.
I just haven’t been able to find a rhythm – I’m either trying to do too much or feeling like I don’t have the energy to do anything. And then feeling bad about not getting things done.
So… I made a coffee (spilling some on my white t-shirt!) and sat outside in the fresh air with my neglected journal. I started this one five months ago to the day. Reading from the beginning, I was able to remind myself of what it is that makes me tick and what it is that feeds me. What I need to focus on to get back on track.
To start, a walk. A walk in my ‘other’ backyard.
I am so fortunate to live right near a bush sanctuary. It has restorative powers that I often take for granted. Until, like today, I’ve been ‘lost’ and manage to get myself in there and just ‘be’.
Earlier in the year I had started to develop a rhythm where I would go for a walk/jog in the sanctuary most mornings after the school run. I swear it wasn’t just the exercise but the magic of that place that had me feeling so alive.
Then I needed some surgery that took longer than expected to recover from and I lost that rhythm. A cold and wet winter kept me indoors more than is good for me. And in that headspace, I was finding it hard to get going again.
Today, after reading my journal and knowing I needed to do something to lift my spirits, it was obvious I need to head to the sanctuary.
It’s hard to put into words the feeling of connection with nature that I get in there. And I would never have picked that about myself. (I dislike camping…)
Some days, the sky is a brilliant blue above the heads of the gums. Breathtaking.
Today is grey and windy. Cobwebs have been blown away both literally and figuratively. The wind rushing through the treetops makes a very powerful sound. Tiny wildflowers are blooming.
Other areas are re-generating after controlled burns in Autumn.
The hundreds of birds that call the sanctuary home sound their calls. The frogs in the north east corner croak their songs. Magpies methodically peck through the soft earth looking for grubs.
The rhythmic crunch crunch crunch of feet on gravel.
It may have only been 35 minutes, but I came back feeling like I had been re-filled with energy and purpose. Words and ideas were flowing but in a peaceful, contented kind of way.
There is quite a journey ahead in finding a comfortable, supportive rhythm for this new chapter in my life but I’ve had an important reminder today of one essential element. The washing up will wait. Always.
How do you know when you’re out of step with yourself? What do you do to regain your rhythm?